This was a significant discovery that I gleaned with my first ontological coach.
At that point in my life, I was proud that I had the awareness – and ability – to ‘control my emotions’. But what I was unaware of about this seemingly well-intentioned and seemingly useful tactic was the price that I had to pay.
I will share this in a separate article, but suffice to say, we cannot selectively moderate specific emotions. If I practiced ‘muting’ my anger, I will inevitably wind up muting my sensitive to my entire spectrum of emotions.
So with regards to positive emotions, I was prone to what Brené Brown termed foreboding joy. It’s a form of self-protection where one is constantly “dress rehearsing tragedy” when, in reality, nothing is wrong. For me, I needlessly moderated myself by insisting that I “not be too happy, coz’ it’s probably not gonna last”. It trapped me in a baseless, imagined future and disconnected me from the joy of the moment, robbing me of fulfilment that I could have otherwise enjoyed.
Now, I accept that most things – happy or not – do not tend to last. I do not know how long this moment that I currently am enjoying will last. It is precisely because of this that I will be as happy as I want to be. I’m gonna maximize it WHILE IT LASTS.
As I write this, I am also tickled when I imagine the ‘overall returns’, especially if the enjoyable moment lasts longer than expected:
If I am as happy as I want to be, I’ve maximized every ounce of potential for happiness from start till end.
If I moderated my happiness, I would be… well, not too happy, from start till end.
Does it not seem ridiculous when the situation is considered this way? Why shortchange myself if the ending’s gonna be the same, either way?
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