Where do you often experience anxiety? For some, endless video calls and texting have made in-person conversations feel difficult. For others, social anxiety comes up when they speak or interact in group settings. These are some of the reasons that I have seen clients seeking coaching for social anxiety.
I emphatise with the pain and limitations that this can create, especially when you have something valuable or important to express. Because of this, social anxiety is one of the obstacles I work on with clients who wish to communicate more effectively.
6 Ways Social Anxiety Can Look (And Feel) Like
The following are six of the most common stories I hear from individuals who are grappling with social anxiety:
① “My heart beats very fast. My stomach is churning. I sweat profusely. My face becomes flushed. I become very self-conscious about how I look.”
② “I want to say something, but I over-think and end up staying silent.”
③ “I’m afraid of saying something wrong and looking foolish.”
④ “I cannot relax in group settings, both in meetings and when socialising with colleagues.”
⑤ “My mind goes blank and I don’t know what to say.”
⑥ “Small talk and social banter with colleagues makes me very nervous. I don’t know what to talk about other than work.“
Signs and Symptons When the Anxiety Hits
Among my clients, certain signs and symptoms are consistently reported when they experience social anxiety. They include the following:
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- Nervousness, all the way to outright fear
- Heart palpitations
- Profuse sweating
- Unpleasant sensations in the abdomen area
- Emotional distress for social events
- Difficulty expressing oneself to a group
- Low confidence
I witnessed all of the above in one of my clients this year. She was suffering at the workplace because of social anxiety. She was embarassed whenever her people asked her if she was alright, when they saw her sweating and red-faced during presentations. When she finally got the career-switch she wanted, she was nerve-wrecked, and her stomach churned. She desperately wanted to do well at her new job.
Together, I worked with her on techniques that she could use to shift her emotions in the moments when she wanted to reach out and speak up. It took a lot of practice, but we made it in time for her new job, because we were using somatic methods that are usually much more effective than mental work. She was able to attend the farewell and welcome events that were organized for her without stress. The first few weeks of her new job went really well because she was able to socialize and not be paralysed by what others thought of her.
Hui Ling
“I was easily overcome by anxiety. A simple ‘how are you’ would trigger it. After coaching with Ellery, I can give myself space and let go of the anxiety. What I learnt from him was tested in the first week of my new job and it really had an effect on me! I wasn’t nervous like I originally feared.”
The Long Term Impact on Your Life
Putting up with social anxiety long term can greatly limit possibilities in your life. The most common consequences of ignoring social anxiety that I’ve seen are:
1. Hinderance to career progression (usually because they become less visible at the workplace)
2. Lack of confidence and/or peace, due to constant overthinking and self-judgement.
3. Unable to start, or deepen relationships.
How confidence coaching can help social anxiety
Coaching can help to increase your confidence by coping better with your social anxiety. This is possible, because one of the main functions of coaching is to give you new awareness of yourself – how you think, feel and behave. Through this, you can better understand how your social anxiety emerges, and therefore, what you can do to better manage (or even eliminate) it.
Every coaching engagement is unique, because each client has different needs, weaknesses and strengths. However, there are processes that unfold every single time ⬇︎
- Through open exploration and in-depth reflection, we will uncover your blindspots.
- Once you can see the cause or nature of your issue, you might also be able to see how you can do things differently so you get different result.
- I can also guide you to try on new ways of saying or doing things, that are effective and feel authentic for you.
- Together, we will co-create new practices that you can adopt, to assimilate what you learn into your regular way of being.
- I will provide you with honest feedback which you can use to calibrate and fine-tune your new skills.
What coaching is
Coaching is a form of super-customised learning, focused solely on your needs. It is one of the most dignified forms of professional help, because you choose the topic, direction and depth of what you wish to work on.
In fact, my clients are NOT ‘broken’ in any way. They are capable, creative and self-initiated individuals who want to live out their full potential. Many of them are high-performers at their workplaces!
They just want support to help them hit their objectives more quickly and with less pain.
If taking ownership of your growth appeals to you, coaching is might be suitable for you.
WhatsApp me now, to find out how you and I can work together on your social anxiety and confidence.
"Everyone needs a coach."
~ Bill Gates