What drives you to learn how to improve communication skills?
The quest to understand how to improve communication skills is a common one in the workplace, and rightly so. Maybe you’ve been told, or had a sense, that you need to become better at your executive communication. You know you have so much more to offer in your conversations, presentations, or even during casual talks with colleagues or friends. Whether you’re grappling with articulating your thoughts in group discussions or confronting anxiety that hampers you before presentations, you’ve come to the right place.
Before we delve into the 4 essential truths that can guide you on how to improve your communication skills, it’s useful to clarify why you would embark on this journey in the first place.
⚠️ Signs you need to improve your communication skills
Regardless of where they are in their organizational hierachy, the most common pain points that I’ve heard from my clients include:
① You need to repeat yourself a few times before your listener understands you.
② Your mind goes blank when you try to speak.
③ You have ideas or thoughts you’d like to share, but you keep quiet instead of speaking up.
④ You have trouble forming your words and sentences, (but you have no speech impediments).
⑤ You come across too pushy, blunt or intimidating.
4 essential truths that can guide you on how to improve communication skills
Truth 1: It’s deeper than technical aspects
You might have tried all sorts of things: practicing in front of a mirror, getting rid of filler words like “um” and “ah,” or even projecting your voice. You might even have looked into ‘assertive’ hand gestures or body language. These techniques can certainly be useful, but they tend to work at a more superficial level. They are like fast food—quick fixes that temporarily satiate but offer no real nourishment.
Here’s the thing: the root of almost all communication challenges is emotional. This is where you need to focus to see lasting changes. You can articulate every syllable perfectly, but if you’re disconnected emotionally, your words will lack depth and impact.
And obviously, if you are not able to harness your own emotions, you might not even be able to speak up at all.
Many techniques that people often use when learning how to improve communication skills can be useful and have their place. But they work more at a more superficial level, and don’t address what’s really sabotaging your interpersonal communication. You wouldn’t believe your photography skills have improved just because you bought a more expensive, fancy camera, would you?
What most people don’t realize is the aspect of emotions for effectively learning how to improve communication skills. Addressing this emotional aspect can lead to sustainable improvements in both communication and confidence.
Truth 2: Emotional mastery is key to understanding how to improve communication skills
You might have concerns about not being ‘assertive’ or ‘professional’ enough in your workplace communications. On one end of the spectrum, you might struggle with speaking up at all. On the other end, you might be receiving feedback that you’re ‘too pushy’ or ‘too blunt’. And if you’re in the middle, you struggle with trying to be assertive without offending others.
If you’ve ever struggled with the above, you know that operating purely by logic is not sufficient. Seeing the emotional nature of these experiences is crucial for understanding how to improve communication skills.
Awareness → Intention → Power
When considering how to improve communication skills, think about the last time you felt intimidated to speak up. At that moment, your emotions were hijacking your communication skills. It is the same, if not similar, in cases where one or more parties are upset – strong emotions point to something important that needs to be acknowledged and taken care of. When you cultivate awareness of your own emotions and learn how you can use them in conversation, you will naturally feel more confident and articulate. Many of my clients experience this as having a new level of freedom in their interactions.
The ability to assert yourself is based on how secure you are in your own emotions, and how you can draw others into it. This requires you first be aware of your own emotions, AND be willing to work on/with them in your conversations.
El has made me become a more direct communicator. He helped me figure out these blind spots. By being aware of them, I was able to make my communication with people around me a lot better.
El has made me become a more direct communicator.
Before I went coaching with El, I found it challenging to communicate my requests and expectations to my colleagues and friends. El has helped me figure out these blind spots. By being aware of them, I was able to make my needs well-known to others – thus making my communication with people around me a lot better. I am able to give better clarity to those around me as well, both in work and personal relationships.
Often not, I assume that other people understand how I’m feeling, or I expect them to do so. Through coaching with El, a new lens has opened up where I understand that others have their own perception and there isn’t anyone that is in charge of my happiness. That opens up a lot of potential and confidence in myself. Because I feel like I can do everything! I’m free, and I’m independent.
I also appreciate how honest El has been with his feedback. It was very direct, concise, and clear. I appreciate the guidance and the steps he has given me because it makes me think for myself rather than give direct solutions that might not feel genuine to me. He enhances my true colors through his coaching methods and prompts me with questions.
If you are in a position where you think everything feels like it doesn’t go your way, or maybe you are facing some challenges in communicating with those around you, I would highly recommend you go to El!
Truth 3: the fatal error of emotional disconnection (or ignorance)
When exploring how to improve communication skills, I often refer to our emotions as our energy. People sometimes talk about ‘energy’ in vague or unscientific terms. But in a practical way, I regard emotions almost literally as energy. Reflect on this: when you’re motivated, aren’t you experiencing an emotion? When you feel demotivated, isn’t it a strongly-emotional state as well? When you suppress or overlook your emotions, it’s akin to unplugging from your power source. This can be the root cause of what many of you experience as overthinking, self-doubt, or even what some people describe as ‘brain fog.’
Ignoring or suppressing emotions hampers your efforts in figuring out how to improve communication skills, making it difficult to be coherent and assertive. Likewise, not acknowledging emotions during important discussions often ends up frustrating, if not disastrous.
The emotional filters we all have
The way we communicate is colored by our past experiences, fears, and hopes, which are all emotional filters. Acknowledging these emotional layers can bring a whole new level of depth to the conversation, and more importantly, build trust. Making an effort to clarify not just the content but also how each party feels about it, is one of the most practical things that improve communication skills.
His practical tips and tools enabled me to increase my confidence in handling difficult situations and stakeholders. His techniques are effective because they work both in your mind and in your body.
Before I met Ellery, I was unmotivated both in my personal and work life. But his coaching sessions transformed me within 2 months.
With Ellery’s support, I reconnected with my good habits and got back on my routines. I started my regular walks, set time for meditation. As a result, I managed to complete my tasks on time without distractions!
His practical tips and tools enabled me to increase my confidence in handling difficult situations and stakeholders when I joined a new company during covid period. His techniques are effective because they work both in your mind and in your body.
I would highly recommend him to anyone who want positive changes and impact in their lives. Ellery is a coach who can spot the root of your problems fast and helps you to formulate your own solutions.
Truth 4: Making emotional communication effective and persuasive
When learning how to improve communication skills, bear in mind effective communication is not merely a transmission of facts; it’s about resonating with your audience. Whether you are trying to convince a client or lead a team, effective, persuasive communication is often emotionally stirring. You aren’t just transferring information; you’re inspiring action. Your words, when imbued with the right emotional energy, can persuade, motivate, and move others. If you’ve ever worked with someone with strong executive presence, you’d have experienced this first-hand. The ‘power’ you feel from the person compels you to do as they say, even when it is difficult. This characteristic is highly sought after for those in leadership.
To genuinely grasp how to improve communication skills, aim for an emotionally resonant delivery. This sort of communication is not just clear; it’s compelling and inspiring, touching the hearts of your audience. Again, this requires you to be emotionally-adept first, before you can navigate emotions at an interpersonal level.
Learning how to improve communication skills is a matter of practice
I hope these 4 essential truths lay the foundation for your journey of discovering how to improve communication skills. They are not ‘magic bullets’ or ‘hacks’ that will suddenly transform your interpersonal skills. You need to targeted, specific practice to make a sustainable, long-term shift in how you communicate with people.
Regular, personalized guidance can help to ensure you’re practicing correctly. After all, it’s kind of impossible to see your own blindspots. If you want to learn how to improve communication skills with less pain and in less time, I’m here to help.
How to improve communication skills through 1-on-1 coaching
Through 1-on-1 coaching, you can improve your communication skills. This is familiar territory I’ve visited with clients on over the years, as a full-time coach, specializing in interpersonal communication skills and confidence.
Every coaching engagement is unique, because each client has different needs, weaknesses and strengths. However, there are processes that unfold every single time:
- Through open exploration and in-depth reflection, we will uncover your blindspots.
- Once you can see the cause or nature of your issue, you might also be able to see how you can do things differently so you get different result.
- I can also guide you to try new ways of saying or doing things, that are effective and feel authentic for you.
- Together, we will co-create practices that you can adopt, to assimilate what you learn into your regular way of being.
- I will provide you with honest feedback which you can use to calibrate and fine-tune your new skills.
What coaching is
Coaching is a form of super-customised learning, focused solely on your needs. It is one of the most dignified forms of professional help, because you choose the topic, direction and depth of what you wish to work on.
In fact, my clients are NOT ‘broken’ in any way. They are capable, creative and self-initiated individuals who want to live out their full potential. Many of them are high-performers at their workplace.
They just want support to help them hit their objectives more quickly and with less pain.
If taking ownership of your growth appeals to you, coaching is might be suitable for you.
WhatsApp me now, to find out how you and I can work together on your communication and confidence.
"A good coach can change the game. A great coach can change a life."
~ John R. Wooden